Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
