wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
