im drinking this country out of the recession.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this just has baby written all over it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
