...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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