allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
