good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
