he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Randomize
