12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Two words: blizzard sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
