Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
