You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
