Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
