I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
