saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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