Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
