the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
