I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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