They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
