i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
