you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
