you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
