This girl is more easily done than said...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
