they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
