mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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