I cannot find my penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
