Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
