you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
