How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
