so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
