He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
