I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
