SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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