He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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