Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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