just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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