and my herpes radar will keep us safe
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
