Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
