I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
