In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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