you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
