I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
