wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
