Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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