I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
