I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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