I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
