That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dicks are not precious.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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