Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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