Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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