i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
