I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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