Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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