Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
