we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
