Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
