Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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