ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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